Ted The Mechanic
“Well, we frequent a pub every now and then and our local pub is called the Witches Legs and this is a song about a guy we met in there one day. He’s not an electrician and he’s not an alchemist but he is a mechanic and is name isn’t Larry and it isn’t Janet. It’s called Ted The Mechanic” Paris 17th June 1996
“We’ve got a thing now which is a fairly recent thing. It’s about a remarkable fellow we met and we managed to write his entire life story on the back of a napkin or a postage stamp. It’s called Ted The Mechanic.” Melbourne 9th March 2001
“His name wasn’t Ted. Actually, his name was Martin as far as I remember and he was a wine merchant but that didn’t scan well.” Outro 14th September 2002
“Here’s a story about a guy I met in a bar a long time ago. Edward his name was and he worked on motor cars.” London Astoria 17th January 2006
Sometimes I feel Like Screaming
“Here’s one about a sad moment in a hotel room when you receive a message, something to do with room service. I ordered this an hour ago and it’s still not here. While you were out, we served it. Anyway, you can’t understand the writing because it’s in English. There’s only one cure for this and it’s to go down to the bar and have a few glasses of whatever takes your fancy with your friends. It’s called Sometimes I feel Like Screaming.” Paris 17th June 1996
“Every now and again you get a message in your hotel and it’s in a language you don’t can’t and so you can’t reply to it and therefore you have to go down to the bar and have a drink with your friends. And so it’s a song called ‘sometimes I have to go down to the bar and have a drink, screaming’” Albert Hall Sept 1999
Hey Cisco
“Every now and again you read something in the papers that just really sticks in your craw. There’s this old guy who used to be the Lone Ranger and he used to have a mask and a hat, pair of guns. He was 89 years old and used to open super-markets for 100 or 200 dollars. And he got a letter from the studio one day saying “you can’t do that anymore. We own the name, the hat, the mask, the guns. Afraid you can’t do that. It seemed so unfair but we couldn’t think of anything to rhyme with Lone Ranger so we wrote a song about Cisco Kid but it’s a similar sentiment. And if it pisses you off as much as me then that what this is about.” Melbourne 9th March 2001
Any Fule Kno That
“If you’re in the right city and you are, you’re in Prague, at the right time – which you are because it’s now.” Prague 16th November 1998
Almost Human
“This is a song dedicated entirely to, in the first part, that familiar thing that happens when you get on a sticky part in the pub – there’s a bit of beer on the floor and you get stuck to the floor – which is the basic inspiration for the song and the second part is about the next day, round about midday when you have your first one and feel almost human. And that’s what it’s called – Almost Human” Melbourne 20th April 1999
Seventh Heaven
“This one’s called Seventh Heaven. There are only seven.” Paris 9th July 1998
Watching the Sky
“Every now and again you get a little confused. Well, I do. And it results in you standing beside yourself. One way or another but if you ever do that please make sure you don’t get too far away or you’ll end up Watching The Sky.” Copenhagen 1st October 1998
Fingers to the Bone
“A song dedicated to the working man called Fingers To The Bone” Oslo 3rd October 1998
69
“At the time one of the difficult song writing things was we admired much of the American road songs but they sound so silly written in English. Going back to Birmingham [said in a Birmingham accent] didn’t sound quite right. Nowadays we can look back on those experiences and think about 69 and the kind of places we went to and they have a meaning for us and so here is a song about an interesting sexual position.” Montreux 22nd July 2000
Evil Louie
“we’d like to present for you now, something which is in every one of you. You are in possession, every one of you, of your own personal Evil Louie.” Trieste 12th June 1998
House Of Pain
“Here’s one and there’s another one up there. This is all about our manager. It’s dedicated to the management company in Connecticut and its brilliant skills of middle management communication, and it’s called the House Of Pain.” Berlin 20th August 2003
Silver Tongue
“In Ireland there’s a place called the Blarney Stone, which inspired this next song. Blarney Stone is somewhere you go and kiss it and then you can bullshit everyone. You can tell them anything you want and they’ll believe you. So this is what this songs pretty much about but it has a slightly different undertone, overtone, in between tone. It’s basically if you grease up and wriggle around on it a little bit..It’s Silver Tongue.” Basel 14th Nov 2003
I’ve Got Your Number
“Last year I went out for a drink with our local constable and she’s a heavy drinker. We had a volatile meeting and after the first few minutes I managed to wrestle the stun gun out of her hand and we sat down and had a pleasant evening and wrote the lyrics to this song. It’s called I Got Your Number.” Montreux 4th July 2004
Bananas
“There was one day when our producer Michael Bradford had to go to the East coast and we were left alone in the studio and the band went insane and we ended up with this. It’s in 7/4 and 5/4 which is an interesting combination. It’s called ba-ba-ba-bananas” Berlin 20th August 2003
Contact Lost
“This one is very special. We were very involved in the last Columbia mission. We had friends on the shuttle that went down, STS107. We all saw it on TV and we were involved very closely with the crew and the ground team and all their friends. Steve was sitting in his room while we were in Los Angeles making this record. We cancelled that days recording but Steve said I have to record this right now. It’s called contact lost but it’s dedicated to 107.” Berlin 20th August 2003
The Wrong Man
“Here’s another new one. It’s about a guy called Wayne Williams who has been incarcerated in Atlanta, Georgia for a long time for crimes he patently didn’t commit. It’s called The Wrong Man.” London Astoria 17th January 2006
Rapture Of The Deep
“Here’s something that a bit more contemporary. This is the title track of our next album. It was originally called Turkish Delight when Don came up with the idea in Istanbul. It’s called Rapture Of The Deep.” London Astoria 17th January 2006
“This song was inspired by your own, your very own, Jacques Costeau. Who got nitrogen narcosis. Well he sent other people to get Nitrogen narcosis, but he coined the phrase and that’s the title of this song. It’s called Rapture Of The Deep.” Lyon 19th January 2006
Back To Back
“I don’t know how to describe this. How would you describe this, Roger? It’s like a pair of socks.”
Outro “On my gravestone is going to be carved the legend ‘the man who invented air Hammond’.”
London Astoria 17th January 2006
Junkyard Blues
“I used to spend a lot of time on my way home from when I was a kid coming back from various drunken and debauched evenings. Running out of money to get on the bus or the tube and ending up in a junkyard in Shepherds Bush near White City sleeping in old cars with a couple of mates. So that’s what this is about.” London Astoria 17th January 2006
Before Time Began
“Here’s something a little more prophetic. I said clearly pronouncing the word. It’s a spiritual thing. I looked at the population figures for the planet for 50 years from now and we’re in trouble.” Lyon 19th January 2006
The Well Dressed Guitar
“What we’d like to do now is, something as I’m making this announcement, Steve is actually writing this song which we’re going to do tonight with the strings and orchestra. Just a moment to distribute the music by arrgghh..osmosis. There you go. It’s a thing called the Well Dressed Guitar” – Rotterdam 30th October 2000
Things I Never Said
“It’s a thing that doesn’t appear on most copies of Rapture for some reason or another and it was called..what was it called? Oh it’s Roger- Things I never Said”
Hell to Pay
“This is a story about a zipper malfunction on a grey hound bus.” Gaevle 10th August 2013
“Well if you’re going to live on dog biscuits and wear virtually nothing in this weather there is going to be Hell To Pay no matter what happens and your mother’s to say you can’t go out like that.”
Outro “and there was when she got home.” Munich 19th May 2017
Above And Beyond
“Now something from our recent record this is a dedication to our beloved Jon Lord called Abpve And Beyond.” Budokan 12th April 2014
Uncommon Man
“This one is dedicated to our beloved Jon Lord.” Gigs passim
Vincent Price
“When I was a kid I used to sell donuts in a red box.” Budokan 12th April 2014
All I Got Is You
“That was a few marching tunes to get us going, now time for a little light jazz with a few involuntary avant garde passages about two disgruntled flat mates” BBC IN Concert 16th November 2017
The Surprising
“Now we have a little surprise. It’s only a little one. That’s what she said last night.” Zagreb 16th May 2017
“The angels always win in the end.” Hellfest 16th June 2017
“Beware of the chair that isn’t there, it’s a furniture illusion. If you ever squat on a chair that’s not, you’ll suffer some confusion. The monks of vine, crush the wine get in on their smocks. It dribbles down their legs to their intoxicated socks…” Don interrupts to start “That was a surprise.” BBC IN Concert 16th November 2017
Scribes note: Watch the TV broadcast and marvel at little Ian’s face during big Ian’s ramble and see him cue in Don with a raise of the eyebrows.
Birds of Prey
Outro “and there I was nothing but a scared battle field, black broken bodies and burnt crops lying everywhere all over the place and then the view, the only thing in motion down the river, there she came – back in her canoe, there she was, Mitzee Dupree. She wore nothing but a fur coat and I said what are you doing like that?“ Zagreb 16th May 2017
Johnny’s Band
“We’ve got some folk songs for you now. Some special little bits. Full of some deep, boring err folk songs.” Outro “It may be true. It may be an apocryphal story.” Munich 19th May 2017
Nothing at All
“Three years ago we did an album called Whoosh and this is one of the songs. It’s kind of different. It’s about the one true god. I love her to bits with wheels on. It’s about Mother Nature.” Amsterdam 10th October 2022
No Need to Shout
Outro “Thanks for a lovely welcome back in Tokyo, here at the Budokan where it all began when I was a young Sumo wrestler in my early days. Playing for pennies.” Toyko 13th March 2023
Show Me
“here’s another. Something fresh from a pod. it’s an old-fashioned love song.” Hollywood 14th August 2024
Portable Door
“Long time ago I lived next door to a guy whose name was Barry. He told me that he was a fully qualified astronaut and sub-mariner. So, I built him a space ship and a submarine and they were both catastrophic failures. It was nothing to do with the engineering or the construction. He lied to me. He was only 14, how could he be qualified at that level it’s just not possible. But I was only 14 to. So, we live in hope. I invented a few other things. One was an invisible cream which was a great success until I put it down somewhere. But the best thing for me, the invisible cream, that’s what it was- to go places and not be noticed. But the best thing was getting in somewhere you shouldn’t be, wanting to escape somewhere you didn’t want to be so I invented a Portable door.” An unidentified gig on YouTube USA Aug 2024
Lazy Sod
“This is not a song about global warming. It’s a song about 17 years ago when I got too relaxed at home one night and set fire to my house. True story. Lazy sod that I was it took a while to put it out.” Rio 15th September 2024
Special Mention – Jon Lord & Roger Glover – The Highlander- South African Radio 1995
JL “You’ve got to imagine that one with Ian Paice thundering away in the background and..”
RG “Ian Gillan thundering away in the background”